the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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