I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
