dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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