i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
