checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
