Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
