Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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