You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
