Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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