i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
