You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
