i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
