why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
