WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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