It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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