From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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