I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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