Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
