He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
