dude i'm inner monologue high
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I want a musical about memes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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