those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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