Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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