Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
