This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
