btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
