I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
