i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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