no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
