threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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