I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
