matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
