I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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