it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
