Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
