I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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