I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Randomize
