Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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