I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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