Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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