He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
