How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
