Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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