I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
