i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
