Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
