sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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