smell my finger.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
