escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
