Got a toothbrush?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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