1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
