Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
