Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
