I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
