Betty ford says i'm here all night
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
