i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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